Nicola #mixedmonday

This week's #mixedmonday is Nicola - @curlyninjah, artist and co -host of the @theafroanimistpodcast.

How would you describe your ethnicity?

I would describe my self as Mixed Black Caribbean and White British on a form, or just Mixed Heritage. My mothers parents came over from Jamaica in the early 60's as part of the Windrush generation and settled in Peckham, South London. My fathers family, who are white, also lived in Peckham. I was born in the late 80's and was always interested in discovering who I am and where I came from.

I'm the eldest of 3 and probably the craziest of the lot! Both my parents families are big but not connected and there was a drive in me to discover where I fit for as long as I can remember. I went on a journey exploring my identity and spirituality, which for me are inherently linked, from about the age of 12 after my Grandmother passed away. She was and still is one of my biggest influences. As a light-skinned Jamaican woman of mixed cultural heritage, she had a very interesting journey and I've always felt her close by and guiding me, whispering to me to understand my heritage.

Has your mixed-ness influenced your career in any way?

My journey as an actress has been deeply linked to my race in a way I was naively unprepared for. I grew up supremely proud of being mixed, being a person in the middle, someone who bridges gaps. I always identified as being 'mixed' rather than one or the other, as to deny any part of me felt wrong. But once I stepped into the professional industry I began being asked things like 'how will you promote yourself, as black or white?' Which I found massively confusing. Did I have to be one in order to be right, in order to get a job or to be understood as a person? Why did it matter to all of these people if I was just good at what I did? I spent years auditioning for and playing the same roles, where the characters were 2D and based purely on me being a certain kind of attractive and brown. These weren't the stories I had dreamed of telling.

Those early years culminated in being told by a top model agency in the early 2010's that I was 'too exotic looking' and 'would never be able to pay my mortgage modelling' because I was brown. I decided it was time to create my own platform of expression and that became The Afro Animist Podcast, which I run with my dear friend Love. We share our life experiences as mixed heritage people, people from the diaspora and creative and spiritual beings. Finding and carving out a space for my own voice has brought me a level of personal power and satisfaction and bringing these conversations to the wider community has been exciting, necessary and beautiful. 

If you could describe your mixed identity in one word, what would it be?

I would say 'Liminal' (of the in between space) and for me that is the best thing about being mixed heritage.

What is the best thing about being mixed heritage?

I travel the spaces in between and I see the world from a unique stand point, living from multiple cultures - blessed.